you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sorry about my life...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
