Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
