; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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