he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
