i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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