I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
