look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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