I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
