***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
please don't ironically join a cult
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