...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
