I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
