I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
