So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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