Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
