Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
