I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
