I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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