I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
