In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
