So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
