Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
