woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
