i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
