Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
