OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
