I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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