i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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