Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
