mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
