If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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