I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
