I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
