Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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