There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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