i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
