U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
