why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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