Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
