woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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