can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
