You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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