Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
