I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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