i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I want her autograph on my taint
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
