My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
