alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
