puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
