I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
