where am i from again
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
