I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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