I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Enjoy the penises
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize