you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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