I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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