Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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