I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
