Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
