1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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