Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
