wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
