Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
