If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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