she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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