yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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