I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize