we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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